I feel like things are finally looking up. All along over the past year, the past four months especially, I felt like I would know when my time for intense grieving is done when I get there. I hope I'm almost there. I really want to move forward. I need to. Paul needs me to. And I think my babies would want that.
The Threads of Hope, Pieces of Joy Bible study with Anchored by Hope came along for me at exactly the right time. I remember asking God to open my heart to acceptance, and I happened upon the Web site shortly thereafter. I don't think it's a coincidence. After my miscarriage in December, I wanted to grieve well. This study has provided a framework and community to do just that. I am constantly amazed by these women and their willingness to share their journeys.
Now we're almost done with the study. And I'm approaching the one-year annivesary of my first miscarriage. I know I'm not dishonoring my babies by moving forward, and I'm starting to believe it. I want to focus on what I do have and the good things that are going on. Paul and I are talking about starting to try to get pregnant in the next couple months. And we're in that place together. That feels good, because it's been awhile since we've found ourselves in the same place.
I love my babies. And miss them. So. Much. That will never change.