Saturday, April 17, 2010

moving forward...?

I feel like things are finally looking up. All along over the past year, the past four months especially, I felt like I would know when my time for intense grieving is done when I get there. I hope I'm almost there. I really want to move forward. I need to. Paul needs me to. And I think my babies would want that.

The Threads of Hope, Pieces of Joy Bible study with Anchored by Hope came along for me at exactly the right time. I remember asking God to open my heart to acceptance, and I happened upon the Web site shortly thereafter. I don't think it's a coincidence. After my miscarriage in December, I wanted to grieve well. This study has provided a framework and community to do just that. I am constantly amazed by these women and their willingness to share their journeys.

Now we're almost done with the study. And I'm approaching the one-year annivesary of my first miscarriage. I know I'm not dishonoring my babies by moving forward, and I'm starting to believe it. I want to focus on what I do have and the good things that are going on. Paul and I are talking about starting to try to get pregnant in the next couple months. And we're in that place together. That feels good, because it's been awhile since we've found ourselves in the same place.

I love my babies. And miss them. So. Much. That will never change.

3 kind words:

  1. I think that is wonderful, Karin. Big hugs to you xxx

  2. Oh, precious friend! I know how hard it is to be in the middle of wanting to get to a 'better' place and then feeling like that 'better' place exists but is still out of your reach--I'm glad you are working toward it and feeling hopeful about it. I think there's a big difference between a 'better' place and being 'better'....although I couldn't explain it! In any event, so glad you and Paul are looking at positive future possibilities!
    Much love!

  3. The study is so good. And I don't believe you will dishonor your babies at all to move forward. I actually think that's what our children would want us to do. I think they want us to be happy and to smile and to just live!