Wednesday, October 27, 2010

tempering the worry

The last two days I haven't felt baby move as much as I had been. I've still felt movement, just not too much. I did call my doctor's office though, and the nurse said to rest and occasionally eat or drink something sugary. **Baby just gave me a good kick. ** She said they don't get too concerned about decreased movement until after 28 weeks, but if I find myself worrying, I can go in to listen to that heartbeat.

I'm proud of myself. I haven't been beside myself with worry. Yesterday I did leave work early at the nurse's suggestion, but that's an easy thing I can do. I need to take care of myself and this little one. To be able to weigh my feelings (and my gut says everything is fine) shows progress. Despite the pregnancy hormones, I feel much more rational overall than about eight months ago. :)

That said, I appreciate your prayers that all continues to go well, and that this orange soda gives baby a sugar high.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010

wiggling and bouncing

This little baby is big enough for me to feel lots of wiggles, bounces and somersaults everyday! I'm absolutely loving it. This daily reassurance that everything is okay are priceless.

I have to wait three more weeks until my next appointment, so it will be a full four weeks between. They couldn't fit me in with Dr. B earlier, and I really didn't want to see someone else. I'm feeling okay about it. Now. As usual, I was overwhelmed with emotions when surprised. But I will only be feeling baby move around more over the next few weeks.

Having the confidence to say when we bring baby home rather than if we will bring baby home fills me with so much joy. I haven't been able to have fun as a mother until now, and I really like it.
Friday, October 15, 2010

pregnancy and infant loss awareness day

Today is a beautiful day. So much peace and so much love. We remember our babies everyday, of course, but as Heather put it so well, today we also ask the world to remember with us. Reading everyone's blog posts today stir in me such a feeling of community. And this blogging circle is one of the friendliest, most caring communities I've encountered. Thank you all.

Today doesn't have to be a sad day - though I've had my moments. Today I choose to be joyful. Happiness can be a fleeting emotion, but joyfullness is intentional. The joyful me is tuned into God through the Spirit, and my heart sings praises all day.

Last night I changed my Facebook profile picture to the I Am the Face button and posted a link to the Web site. Today I updated my status again. I really haven't ever said anything about my losses so outright in that forum, and I was nervous. For what, I have no idea. But I will share my story with those who might ask, and I will do what I can to help assuage our society's reluctance to talk about it. I know who I am, and I know who my babies are.
Thursday, October 14, 2010

loving uneventful appointments

My 20 week OB appointment on Tuesday has been one of the best yet! She picked up baby's heartbeat immediately, and we just listened for awhile. This little one is pumping along consistently in the 150s, and is growing right on track. In a few weeks, my short-waisted body will only be able to accommodate growth by going out. And I love it.

As far as the GD discussion goes, I'm supposed to watch my simple sugar intake and cut back. We'll re-test for GD in six to eight weeks. Since I did pass the test, Dr. B thinks this is the best plan. I'm on board. We also talked about weaning off an anti-depressant at 28 weeks. It has tested safe for pregnancy, but in the last trimester has been linked to pulmonary hypertension in the baby at birth. I feel great about that plan because I'm doing better than I have been in the last year, and now, finally, the feelings of excitement are greater than the worries. And I know I'm strong enough to live through a few tough weeks, if that happens to be, to help ensure that baby is healthy.

We talked about delivery for the first time! She's going to switch me to heparin at 36 weeks, and then back to Lovenox or Coumadin for six weeks after delivery. Right now I think I'd rather do the daily injections (which have become no big deal!) than weekly blood tests.

She's also talking about inducing at 39 weeks. I had been thinking that was likely, and definitely not going longer than 40. With the FVL, we just don't need to hang out for very long in that time period when the incidence of clots rise and the placenta starts to tire of its work. Induction really isn't my preference, but if it's for good medical reasons, I'm on board. She said it would depend, too, on what signs my body is showing. So we'll see. But we have a good while to continue the conversation and for me to get used to the idea. Please share good induction experiences to help ease my mind. :)

We'll see baby again at 28 weeks for a growth check. That will have been 10 weeks since the last ultrasound and the longest we've gone without a peek! I see Dr. B again in three weeks, and hopefully growing baby will be tumbling around a lot for my reassurance.

And I'm feeling baby every day now! It's very subtle, silly anterior placenta, but there. When I'm in bed and baby's moving, Paul reaches for my belly quickly. He's just so anxious to feel baby, too. I love it.

I'm just so in love with my little family! And of course, that includes the cats. We have family snuggle time on the bed for sleeping. :)
Monday, October 11, 2010

20 weeks - halfway!!

Each day brings me closer to checking off another milestone on my list! Hitting 20 weeks yesterday has to be the funnest one yet. I'm in baby mode. On Friday, Paul and I went around town to Babies R Us and Baby Depot to play with some car seats, strollers and pack-and-plays. No purchases yet, but now we have some preferences that aren't based only on customer reviews and colors. Now it's time to start making calls to find a place for this little one to go come May.

The more I read about cloth diapering and learn the language, the more excited I am. (We'll likely use disposables right away and then keep some on hand for some outings and emergencies.) What brands/styles do you prefer? Where do you buy them? I'm thinking about a mix of perfect fits and all-in-ones, but I need advice about quantities if planning to wash every other day. Share your thoughts, ladies!

It's just so fun to talk about baby stuff and believe we'll actually get to use it soon! I just crave small hints of normalcy. :)

milestone timeline
see heartbeat
finish progesterone
14 weeks
18 weeks
20 weeks
24 weeks
28 weeks
37 weeks
baby in my arms
Thursday, October 7, 2010

lists and lists

Things I should do but don't because I'm too tired...
  • fold laundry
  • vacuum
  • dishes
  • clean the fridge
  • put clean sheets on the bed
  • organize scrapbooking stuff
  • really any household cleaning
  • organize closet in soon-to-be baby's room

Things I do instead...
  • sleep
  • read
  • ask Paul to do the dishes and clean the bathroom
  • knit
  • sleep
  • make a songs for baby playlist
  • watch GLEE and Grey's Anatomy
  • make Paul a grocery list
  • sleep
  • read blogs
  • research baby gear online
  • and my favorite....grow a baby. :)
Tuesday, October 5, 2010

settling in

I feel like I'm finally starting to settle in and enjoy this pregnancy. After passing week 17 and the anatomy scan, I have felt absolutely wonderful. I guess that's what happens when you let some stress go away... We're telling people about the pregnancy in normal conversation (like our five-year college reunion this weekend!), it's now out at work, and it all feels so good. When other people are excited, it reminds me that this is an exciting time, not just a time filled with worry. The worry is still there, no doubt, but I enjoy having fun.

That said, there were a couple stressful moments last week. My dad is diabetic, so my doctor had me do an early glucose screen at 18 weeks. I didn't pass the one-hour. :( BUT I did pass the three-hour. :) Even though all four of my draws passed easily, and my fasting glucose was outstanding, the nurse said my doctor will go ahead and treat me as gestational diabetic. I'm very frustrated. I completely understand the risks of untreated and unmonitored diabetes, and how devastating it can be when baby is born. I also have a good understanding of how to monitor carbs, sugars and diet living in close proximity to it for much of my life. I do have a high risk factor (dad), but I've passed the test. My weight gain is -5 pounds at 19 weeks, I'm eating well, and there has been no sign of sugar in my urine, which has been tested every two weeks at my regular appointments. My A1C was just tested a couple months ago (and is a better indicator of glucose levels for several reasons), and it is just where it should be.

More than anything, I just don't need to create something to worry about in this pregnancy. I don't need the extra stress about worrying something that isn't creating a problem. If all the tests were positive, I'd be the first asking for a plan. I see my doctor next week for a regular appointment, so I told the nurse I wanted to talk it over with my doctor to better understand before I go off seeing nutritionists and the endocrinologist. I'm hoping that we'll do another glucose tolerance test in 8-10 weeks, while I continue to eat well and exercise, and take it from there. (I'm doing my best not to get worked up about it until then. Some days are better than others.) If urine were to show sugar earlier, we'll address it right away. But if not, I just want a few weeks of not creating additional stress. I think that's reasonable.

I continue to be surprised at how much these bumps in the road derail me. Most days (especially lately) will  be great, but I don't realize how high my stress level is until I have no reserves to handle something unexpected. The most important thing is to bring home a healthy baby, and every day I look for the balance in how to do that.

That was a long vent...good thing I put the happier update at the top. :)