Last week, a friend posted a note on Facebook asking all of her 'mom' friends to share how their faith and/or spirituality has changed by having children for a paper she is writing for a seminary class. She didn't tag me. While I noticed the omission, I wasn't angry because I realize that I live in a grey area for some people. She and I had a great conversation following my first miscarriage, and while she was pregnant with twins, but we hadn't talked since my second pregnancy and miscarriage.
In a somewhat uncharacteristic move for me (though I am becoming bolder), I emailed her my thoughts...
I have never needed my God more than now. I have never prayed as often or as urgently as I now do every day, though I have always considered myself to be a faithful person. I am closer to God because I believe with all of my being that my babies are in heaven. And because of God's promise to us, through Jesus, I WILL see those babies one day. I will get to hold them in heaven the way I never could on this earth. There is no greater hope than that. And it is because of my babies that my faith is deepenend.
When I think of how much my heart hurts, when I cry, I try to remember that there is no one who understands this better than God; after all, it was God's son who died for something much bigger than himself. God counts every tear that falls. But I'm not sad when I think about where my babies are. Even though my time with them was so short, I want nothing but the best for them. And that, for me, is one of the few things I can describe about what it means to be a mother. And I AM a mother. It's hard to claim that word sometimes. But it happened when God gave those babies to me to love forever.
You are definitely a mother: whether a woman has babies on heaven or here on earth, she is still a mother. Not having our babies with us doesn't negate the feelings that are sparked through the process of becoming a mother. Carrying a child in the womb is absolutely life-changing, and there is no going back to the pre-motherhood way of life. It's just the way it is.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you are able to be happy for your babies in heaven. I often think similarly, knowing that my greatest pain is Madelyn's greatest joy, because she never had to endure the hardships of growing up in this world, and as much as I wanted that, it is hard not to be happy for her sake.
Praying for you.
Karin,
ReplyDeleteI posted yesterday but it must have not gone through. You are a mother. And I am so sorry sometimes people(unintentionally, probably) do not recognize that. But it doesn't make you any less a mother.
I agree with everything Heather posted. The pain I experience here is only an infinitesimal, fraction, smidget compared to the joy that our babies feel in heaven. That does bring much comfort to me...
Thinking of you...
Hi, Karin, Just doing some blog hoping through a comment of yours left on Holly's blog, Caring for Carleigh. I'm so sorry for your losses!!! We also lost our baby in Dec. I like what Heather wrote, you are a mother, and that your babies are in heaven doesn't change that fact. I'm sending up some prayers right now that God will also bless you with babies on earth:)
ReplyDeleteKarin, I found you through someone else's blog and wanted to comment on this post, as this is something that I deal with a lot. I feel like a mom, I AM a mom, but others don't see me as that (at least not everyone) and that part is hard! Continue to stay positive and good for you for sharing your feelings with your friend!
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