Friday, December 3, 2010

another anniversary

So one year ago today we learned at 14 weeks our second baby no longer had a heartbeat. By date, it's tomorrow, but by day of the week, today. I managed to mostly hold it together at my marathon day at the clinic (next post), including ultrasound. Until I told my doctor it had been one year.

The college where I work has a BIG Christmas concert each year, and I've missed very few in the last ten years. We even went last year with baby in my belly but no longer dancing. I just couldn't do it tonight. Not when I cried the whole time last year. I just need this weekend to be different.

Again, the anticipation was worse than the day. The last week has been up and down. But it's the last of the firsts I've been anticipating. I've passed miscarriage dates (on Monday, the surgery date) and due dates.

Paul reminded me tonight that there are more firsts than we can begin to anticipate...starting with the birth of this baby.

6 kind words:

  1. Sending you love and blowing kisses to heaven. ((HUGS))

  2. (((Hugs))) Take care of yourself this weekend. Prayers coming your way!

  3. I find usually the anticipation is worse than the day, too.

    Sending so many hugs to many hugs. And you are right, you are coming up on so many wonderful, wonderful firsts. I can't wait to follow you as you experience them.

  4. *hugs* The anticipation and the actual milestone dates can be overwhelming. I like what your hubby said. Thinking of you.

  5. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

    Always thinking of you and sending you love. You know I totally agree the build-up to the day is sometimes so much harder.

    And seems like you prepare and prepare and prepare for a certain day and then out of THE BLUE--WHAM! Some random Tuesday afternoon brings you to such debilitating tears that you can't's just hard and unpredictable...but you have us sending you love and keeping you in our prayers!!!

  6. I don't blame you for not going. It can be hard