Thursday, May 6, 2010

sometimes it's just nice when others' words get it right

I haven't been doing very well lately, so I felt like I haven't had anything to share. I know I'm harder on myself than I should be. I know that this won't hurt in the same way forever. I know I will survive. But sometimes it's hard to believe that, you know?

I keep a card on my window ledge within arm's reach of my desk at work that I see every day. A colleague sent this to me after my niece died last summer, and she also knew about my first miscarriage that had happened three months prior. It reads, "Hope is a wonderful thing - more powerful than any worry and as close as a prayer." Every now and again, Hallmark gets it right. Hope and pray...hope and pray.

[I can tell I'm not myself...I'm starting every sentence with "I." Boo. Poor writing. On a day I feel more motivated, my syntax will be better.]

I just have to share the Silent Grief email that came today. Once again, the words are spot on and make so much more sense than I can attempt to at the moment.


May 6, 2010

Mother's Day will soon be here, and while that day is an awesome day of celebration for some, it is also one of the most painful days of the year to get through for the many mothers who are living with the heartache of child loss.

I have been a mother in grief. Twenty-two years ago on Mother's Day I was carrying my son who was to be born in July. Instead, I found out that he had died inside of me, and I spent Mother's Day carrying my little boy knowing that his heart had stopped beating forever. He was delivered "still" on the Thursday following Mother's Day.

Having "been there", I can tell you that there is no right or wrong way to approach Mother's Day when grieving. Do what is best for you, and don't spend countless hours trying to please others around you. If you want to talk a walk among nature to reflect, then do it. If you want to skip family meals and all reminders of Mother's Day, then do it. And, remember that you don't owe the world an explanation. This is one time when it's necessary to be selfish in your actions. You know what is best for you, and this is a time to take care of yourself.

Remembering your child is a very personal thing, and you might find that other's will not remember, or if they do remember your child, they might not mention your child by name. Others don't like to see us cry, so they avoid the obvious. "My child isn't here, and I'm in pain." Cry. Journal. Scream. Sleep. Light a candle. Release a balloon. Write a poem in memory of your child. All of these are ways to "get through Mother's Day"when you are missing your child. Again, this is very personal. Do what is best for YOU to get through.

Lastly, remember that this day will pass. You will make it, and when you do you will have accomplished a big step in your journey we call healing. - Clara Hinton

"My child, I love you, and I always will." --Clara Hinton

"In the day of my trouble I shall call upon Thee, for Thou wilt answer me." --Psalm 86:7

1 kind words:

  1. Wow, that poor woman, learning her baby had died around Mother's Day.

    And I'm sure no one has any complaints about your writing style! I've gotten a little lax on my blog too, but mostly because I always feel I'm in a hurry anymore. Newer readers of my blog probably don't know that I can write a lot better than I do these days!

    Anyway, I am thinking of you and your hurting heart. I read on someone's blog today that she was finally feeling at peace with her losses (she's had 3 miscarriages and 3 pre-term labor losses). I pray that you one day find that peace, which is the same prayer I said for myself as I read her post.